I sat in the back of the sanctuary yesterday because I was certain a coughing fit would drive me out of the sanctuary part-way through the sermon. Walking in front of a crowd of people can still unnerve me.
I had no idea of the blessing that would come.
As I sat, really just sat-little voice, little energy, little to give-I watched a body do a work, a supernatural work.
Donnie wrote. Paul played. Donna's fingers danced. Kayla praised. Steve taught. Angie hugged. Libby's group gathered and prayed. Two women cried-together. Tish welcomed. (I heard a visitor say this to her husband-yep, they notice our hellos.) Julia penned verses. Reid lifted hands. Sharon prayed. Katie taught. Jen smiled. Cole drummed. Jim lifted hands. Elnore came, and I'm sure she prayed. Carol led her grandaughter by the hand. I'd bet my last dollar that Nancy cried tears of praise...and I could go on and on.
I know the things our son gave up these last two weeks for the church, for the Lord. I can only imagine the choices others make, sight unseen, week after week, as an offering of praise to the Lord, leading others to Jesus. Not because they have to, but because they get to.
The work-started in individual hearts by a loving and merciful God, brought together, working out their salvation. What a beautiful and wondrous thing.
I'm reminded of the worshippers in the Old Testament, who would bring an offering to the house of the Lord, as a response to what He had done.
~I will come into your house with burnt offerings;
I will perform my vows to you,
that which my lips uttered
and my mouth promised when I was in trouble.
I will offer to you burnt offerings of fattened animals,
with the smoke of the sacrifice of rams;
I will make an offering of bulls and goats. (Ps. 66:13-15)
No longer bringing animal sacrifices because there was a greater, "It is Finished" sacrifice made at Calvary. Yet, presenting our whole bodies as a living sacrifice as an act of spiritual worship. (Rom. 12:1)
May you be blessed Freedom Fellowship, individually and corporately. May the church universal, work as one body, giving glory and honor to our God.
Monday, December 24, 2012
Thursday, December 20, 2012
When Suffering Drives You Deep Into the Heart of God
In reading a few articles written about the recent shooting in Newton, I've admired those brave enough to step out and try and bring comfort to others.
This morning, as I read Psalm 33 and 66, something deep within-pain, forgiveness, freedom- identified with the people in the shooting all too well. The Holy Spirit reminded me of who God is, what He's done, and what He promises to do. In that, we can rejoice in all God has done for us. And then the thought crept into my mind that creeps in often, "But where was God when you were being abused?" not unlike when the serpent came to Eve in the garden and made her question God's goodness, His Sovereignty, His Truth.
When I was healing and going through radical heart surgery, much of it stemming from childhood abuse and my response to it, I learned to stop asking WHY. Not that this is a wrong question or that God can't handle our questions of WHY-He loves when we come to Him with questions-it's just that, like he told Job, you are speaking of justice on earth, which is much more extensive than you can fully understand or accomplish. (Job 40:10-14) I came to the conclusion that either God is God and He gets to dictate the earth's happenings, or I am God and I do. Just as Job turned to the Lord (Job 42:6) and turned from self, God enabled me to turn to Him and look to Him and trust Him and believe Him. To believe that He is in control and no purpose of His can be thwarted. (Job 42:2)
Crying Out...
I once heard someone say, when you've been through something horrific to initially ask "why" is not bad or wrong. But. Don't stay there because our finite minds most likely can't comprehend all the whys. Instead, change your question to "WHO?" Ask, Who are you Lord? Show me Who you are in this." I certainly have not understood all the "whys" but God has been faithful to reveal Himself to me, to answer my "WHO are you God-question, through this suffering. And when we see WHO God is, when He reveals Himself to us, we're never the same. For better-when we turn to him. For worse-when we turn from Him.
Submitting and Turning...
As my counselor walked me through the darkness of healing into the light of freedom in Jesus, encouraging me, "this is the way, Angie, go this way. Do this thing. Turn from this thing-" the word SUBMISSION-kept hitting me square in the face, so much that I couldn't ignore it. I heard it everywhere. Abuse silently but forcefully teaches you, don't you dare submit to anyone or you will get hurt! You protect yourself. You be in control. In essence, You be God. Much like the words Satan said to Jesus in the desert, trying to turn Him from His Father. I didn't understand it but I knew I had to let God be God and not have all my questions answered. I received this turning from self as God as a gift and took the next step forward.
Forgiveness...
I remember the first time I heard the words, "You need to forgive the person who abused you." It made NO sense. I did nothing wrong. I didn't know a lot about the abuse that lasted about 5 years, but I knew that much. I trusted God enough to believe Him when He said, Forgiveness will lead you to freedom. Again, I didn't understand it, but I lifted up a sacrifice to God and proclaimed for the first time, "I forgive you, Bob. I forgive you." It didn't seem fair. Actually it wasn't fair. It's like the boy who gets beaten in the alley by bullies, or the husband whose wife walks out, or the daughter who is abandoned, or the children whose lives are taken by a single act of evil-It's not fair. I've screamed these words in my heart probably hundreds of times and the Lord always responds with, "I Love You. There are things you just can't understand about this. Come to Me. Rest in Me."
What Part Do I Play in This...
Through the healing, I had to understand that my response to the abuse, my response to God, resulted in further suffering, after the abuse was over. When I first heard this, it didn't sit right. It felt all wrong. Again-it wasn't fair. I came to understand that I needed to turn from myself-my way of handling things, which actually hadn't worked real well or turned out so great, for the first 30 years of my life. I had to agree with God that I had sinned against Him (didn't trust Him) in trying to make things work on my own by hating the person who abused me and trying to make everyone hate him with me. I was actually a pretty good hate-er and so were the people who loved me, but hate leads to destruction and death. And I clearly was dying-ask my husband. God promised me through His Word that He it is His to avenge, that I am to relinquish control. Again, I had to make a choice, my way or God's way. So, I said I'm sorry to God for not turning to you when you clearly were calling me and another utterance of, "I forgive."
How is this possible...
Only through the cross of Christ. God tells us in His Word that He sent His son to die for us. His son took all my sin upon Him and died. For me. So I don't have to. So I can live forever with Him. Not fair, really. I have been shown great grace and mercy, therefore, I can extend great grace and mercy. Many of us want the sins done against us justified but not forgiven and we want our sins forgiven and we don't want what we know we really deserve. It doesn't work that way. You can't have it both ways. To our abuser, our offender, we scream, "Crucify Him!" For ourselves, we cry, "Mercy, God. Forgive me!" God is no respector of persons. He does not change.
I wouldn't change it...
Our pastor recently spoke about abuse and said he's heard several people say, "The abuse I went through. I wouldn't change it for anything." The words rang true in my heart. I wouldn't want to go through it again and God knows I don't want to see any child go through it, but I wouldn't change my childhood. Because I know my God. I know Him in ways I wouldn't otherwise. If you don't know Him, this probably sounds like a pile of cr#*. I'm okay with that. I encourage you to ask Him the hard questions you're asking yourself right now. He is faithful to answer when you cry out to HIM.
Father, I come to you on behalf of those who have not yet been able to speak for themselves about the abuse. I pray for courage for the person reading to be able to open lips and push forth words that she's/he's never been able to say aloud before: "I've been abused." And I pray, Lord, you will grant her grace and mercy and lead her through the process of healing. And at the end, may she find freedom-to live victoriously for you. Thank you Jesus for freedom-to love, to forgive, to live. Amen.
This morning, as I read Psalm 33 and 66, something deep within-pain, forgiveness, freedom- identified with the people in the shooting all too well. The Holy Spirit reminded me of who God is, what He's done, and what He promises to do. In that, we can rejoice in all God has done for us. And then the thought crept into my mind that creeps in often, "But where was God when you were being abused?" not unlike when the serpent came to Eve in the garden and made her question God's goodness, His Sovereignty, His Truth.
When I was healing and going through radical heart surgery, much of it stemming from childhood abuse and my response to it, I learned to stop asking WHY. Not that this is a wrong question or that God can't handle our questions of WHY-He loves when we come to Him with questions-it's just that, like he told Job, you are speaking of justice on earth, which is much more extensive than you can fully understand or accomplish. (Job 40:10-14) I came to the conclusion that either God is God and He gets to dictate the earth's happenings, or I am God and I do. Just as Job turned to the Lord (Job 42:6) and turned from self, God enabled me to turn to Him and look to Him and trust Him and believe Him. To believe that He is in control and no purpose of His can be thwarted. (Job 42:2)
Crying Out...
I once heard someone say, when you've been through something horrific to initially ask "why" is not bad or wrong. But. Don't stay there because our finite minds most likely can't comprehend all the whys. Instead, change your question to "WHO?" Ask, Who are you Lord? Show me Who you are in this." I certainly have not understood all the "whys" but God has been faithful to reveal Himself to me, to answer my "WHO are you God-question, through this suffering. And when we see WHO God is, when He reveals Himself to us, we're never the same. For better-when we turn to him. For worse-when we turn from Him.
Submitting and Turning...
As my counselor walked me through the darkness of healing into the light of freedom in Jesus, encouraging me, "this is the way, Angie, go this way. Do this thing. Turn from this thing-" the word SUBMISSION-kept hitting me square in the face, so much that I couldn't ignore it. I heard it everywhere. Abuse silently but forcefully teaches you, don't you dare submit to anyone or you will get hurt! You protect yourself. You be in control. In essence, You be God. Much like the words Satan said to Jesus in the desert, trying to turn Him from His Father. I didn't understand it but I knew I had to let God be God and not have all my questions answered. I received this turning from self as God as a gift and took the next step forward.
Forgiveness...
I remember the first time I heard the words, "You need to forgive the person who abused you." It made NO sense. I did nothing wrong. I didn't know a lot about the abuse that lasted about 5 years, but I knew that much. I trusted God enough to believe Him when He said, Forgiveness will lead you to freedom. Again, I didn't understand it, but I lifted up a sacrifice to God and proclaimed for the first time, "I forgive you, Bob. I forgive you." It didn't seem fair. Actually it wasn't fair. It's like the boy who gets beaten in the alley by bullies, or the husband whose wife walks out, or the daughter who is abandoned, or the children whose lives are taken by a single act of evil-It's not fair. I've screamed these words in my heart probably hundreds of times and the Lord always responds with, "I Love You. There are things you just can't understand about this. Come to Me. Rest in Me."
What Part Do I Play in This...
Through the healing, I had to understand that my response to the abuse, my response to God, resulted in further suffering, after the abuse was over. When I first heard this, it didn't sit right. It felt all wrong. Again-it wasn't fair. I came to understand that I needed to turn from myself-my way of handling things, which actually hadn't worked real well or turned out so great, for the first 30 years of my life. I had to agree with God that I had sinned against Him (didn't trust Him) in trying to make things work on my own by hating the person who abused me and trying to make everyone hate him with me. I was actually a pretty good hate-er and so were the people who loved me, but hate leads to destruction and death. And I clearly was dying-ask my husband. God promised me through His Word that He it is His to avenge, that I am to relinquish control. Again, I had to make a choice, my way or God's way. So, I said I'm sorry to God for not turning to you when you clearly were calling me and another utterance of, "I forgive."
How is this possible...
Only through the cross of Christ. God tells us in His Word that He sent His son to die for us. His son took all my sin upon Him and died. For me. So I don't have to. So I can live forever with Him. Not fair, really. I have been shown great grace and mercy, therefore, I can extend great grace and mercy. Many of us want the sins done against us justified but not forgiven and we want our sins forgiven and we don't want what we know we really deserve. It doesn't work that way. You can't have it both ways. To our abuser, our offender, we scream, "Crucify Him!" For ourselves, we cry, "Mercy, God. Forgive me!" God is no respector of persons. He does not change.
I wouldn't change it...
Our pastor recently spoke about abuse and said he's heard several people say, "The abuse I went through. I wouldn't change it for anything." The words rang true in my heart. I wouldn't want to go through it again and God knows I don't want to see any child go through it, but I wouldn't change my childhood. Because I know my God. I know Him in ways I wouldn't otherwise. If you don't know Him, this probably sounds like a pile of cr#*. I'm okay with that. I encourage you to ask Him the hard questions you're asking yourself right now. He is faithful to answer when you cry out to HIM.
Father, I come to you on behalf of those who have not yet been able to speak for themselves about the abuse. I pray for courage for the person reading to be able to open lips and push forth words that she's/he's never been able to say aloud before: "I've been abused." And I pray, Lord, you will grant her grace and mercy and lead her through the process of healing. And at the end, may she find freedom-to live victoriously for you. Thank you Jesus for freedom-to love, to forgive, to live. Amen.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Keep me from the error of thinking thou dost appear gloriously
when some strange light fills my heart,
as if that were the glorious activity of grace,
but let me see that the truest revelation of thyself is when thou dost eclipse all my personal glory
and all the honour, pleasure and good of this world.
~Valley of Vision-excerpt from Love to Jesus
when some strange light fills my heart,
as if that were the glorious activity of grace,
but let me see that the truest revelation of thyself is when thou dost eclipse all my personal glory
and all the honour, pleasure and good of this world.
~Valley of Vision-excerpt from Love to Jesus
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